Let’s talk about it.
A lot of what we know and love in the kink world came up underground, on purpose. That’s where it felt safest. Away from people who didn’t get it. Away from judgment, stigmatization, and pathologizing.
In the dark, something powerful was built. Folks created community, language, rituals; and yes, healing. Many of us found parts of ourselves that had no room to exist anywhere else.
But let’s keep it a buck: The dark didn’t always mean safe.
Hidden doesn’t mean healthy.
There was harm. Harm that often went unreported and unresolved because there was no one to call. No clear structure. No shared system. Without standards and ethics, trying to police ourselves got real messy, and left scars we never consented to. Physical scars. Emotional ones. Spiritual ones, too.
Because when something goes wrong in an underground space, who do you call? When consent gets crossed, when harm happens, when power is abused… what’s the process? Who’s held accountable? How do you even begin to repair?
Too often, the answer was: You didn’t. You just kept it pushing. Avoiding the missing stair. Trying to do better next time with no roadmap.
So yes, I get why some folks feel a kind of way about this idea of “professionalizing” kink. When people hear terms like frameworks, systems, ethics, and standards. It can feel like we’re losing something sacred. Like the rawness, the magic, the uniqueness of our world is being sterilized.
But let me be clear:
This isn’t about erasure. It’s about edification.
What we’re building through KPSA, TBCN, and the upcoming CPKP program is rooted in community. It’s about making kink work more intentional, more sustainable, and more supported. For us, by us.
We’re doing this not to make kink digestible for the mainstream, but to care for our people.
I want to make sure that those of us doing this work aren’t burning out in silence. That we’re not getting harmed because there’s no system to hold the harm. That we’re not out here carrying other people’s wounds because no one taught them how to hold power well.
So here’s the truth:
Yes, some of the mystery might fade when we bring this work into the light. Yes, it might feel different when it’s part of something bigger, more structured, and more visible. But that doesn’t mean we’re losing everything.
We’re gaining something too. Language. Support. Accountability. Legacy.
If you’ve been wary, I feel you. However, this is being built by people who live this, love this and who are this.
The most marginalized voices are at the center. We’re not losing who we are.
We get to decide what this becomes, and we’re choosing excellence.
Want to see what we’re building?
Come join us on The EDGE at the KPSA Virtual Summit October 25–26 | 10 AM–2 PM CT each day
This is for the therapists, pros, educators, clients, and community members who are ready for something more. Something built with care. Something that honors where we’ve been and where we’re going.
See you at the summit. We’re just getting started.
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